Quite honestly friends, there are seasons when I battle negative thoughts - don't like them and definitely don't invite them in for a visit but they seem to arrive anyway - uninvited and unwelcome.
Lately I have found myself feeling a bit like this...............
You know the feeling - wondering what's next, what else do you have left to give, how on earth can you be of service to anyone - all the "good years" are gone..........
All the days spent living and loving and sharing and serving and caring have taken a "bite" - bites given willingly to be sure and most definitely each one of them would be offered again - and the desire remains to continue to give and love and share and care. Yet there does not appear to be much left - certainly not the "best" part - that part seems to be gone.
This is not a feeling reserved for "age". It can happen at anytime and it shouts silently to the soul saying "You're done; there's nothing left for you; why bother to even try; nothing's going to change". And sometimes the shouting is so loud you are tempted to believe it just so it will shut up and leave you alone.
But then hope comes and whispers "You are the apple of my eye". The Father's word comes into a tired heart and says "He who touches you touches the apple of my eye" (Zechariah 2:8)
How I loved being the apple of my husband's eye - after his relationship with Jesus I was his number one priority and I miss that so much these days. I grieve the knowing that I no longer have that status.
Yet there is that voice that whispers in the night - bringing hope - bringing a mirror with a different image .................
God wants me to see myself as He sees me - the apple of His eye - whole and full and lovely and delightful - not used up, not done, not useless. He wants me to know that there is hope, there is a future, there is still sharing and caring and loving and serving to be done.
It is true sadly that I am no longer the apple of my husband's eye, for his eye now beholds wonders beyond belief in his new heavenly home; however, I am still the apple of God's eye - as I have always been and always will be - as are you dear one - be at peace this night and know you are loved so very, very much.